To Err is Human...To Rewrite is Challenging

For my revision piece, I chose an assignment that I enjoyed, but did not quite grasp. During the course, we were asked to complete two timed writing assignments. The timed writes were to be completed in one hour and were based off of film that we had watched as a part of a different assignment. The prompt for this assignment was:

     “In an essay of about a page (3-5 paragraphs), develop a thesis-driven discussion that demonstrates how the film defines what it is to be an outsider (using one or two characters from the film you chose and discussed) AND how this definition upholds or challenges your own cultural understanding of what it means to be an outsider. Note: please do not summarize the film (we have all seen it) or use plot summary as your main evidence. Instead, draw on specific scenes to provide evidence to support your thesis.”

I feel that the reason this paper deserves a rewrite is because I did not quite grasp the whole assignment. The assignment stated to not summarize the film. I did not realize that I had done this until we received the grade and comments back from the instructors. For one paragraph, I had written:

     “The movie Spanglish demonstrated many examples of insiders and outsiders. The character who struggled the most throughout the film was Cristina Moreno. Cristina's mother, Flor, made it very clear to her that in order to succeed in life you need to be strong and not let others dictate who you will become. This was demonstrated when Flor moved her daughter to America for a better life and told her daughter she could "have one tear so make it a good one." Cristina was doing great in her new life in America. Cristina's mother moved her to a part of America where she could feel like an insider, one with a large Spanish population. Cristina was focused on her family and was becoming a strong young woman. This all changed when her mother moved them in with the Claskey family.”

In this paragraph, I was trying to set a scene for my examples. Instead, I did specifically what the instructors had asked me not to do; summarize the film. I also never concluded what it feels like to be an outsider. My rewritten piece includes fewer summaries and more of the explanation of how it feels to be outcast:

     "The movie Spanglish demonstrates many examples of insiders and outsiders. The character who struggles the most throughout the film was Cristina Moreno. Cristina's mother, Flor, made it very clear to her that in order to succeed in life you need to be strong and not let others dictate who you will become. This made Cristina a strong young woman whom was focused and eager to face the world. To her mother and Spanish community, Cristina was not an outsider, so she felt accepted. Cristina was focused on her family and her studies. This all changed when her mother moved them in with the Claskey family and Cristina saw what an outsider looked like."

In my rewrite, I chose to elaborate more on how an outsider feels and how this film changed my views of an outsider. I omitted the summary of the film and re-evaluated sentence structure and word choice. I had no intentions of doing this, perhaps it was the pressure from being the first timed write I had ever completed. Whatever the reason, this paper deserves a rewrite. I hope you can enjoy my new response to the prompt.