The Missing Link

"Have you seen my purse?" I ask out loud. Not to anyone in particular, just anyone who would listen.

"What does it look like?" A strange woman asks. Someone listened! Thank goodness!

"Um... It's a purple suede handbag with purple leather handles!" I say to the strange woman. I hope that she has seen it, I do not know how much longer I can go without my purse.

"Does it say anything on it?" The woman questions me. I think a moment about my beautiful purse.

"No, but its dark purple and you can't miss it! It's about 12 by 8 inches and PURPLE! Have you seen it?" I retort hysterically, tears streaming down my face.

"Haven't seen it," Replies the woman. The woman then walks away as if nothing has happened. How could somebody just walk away from a woman in complete panic.

"Thanks a lot!" I scream to her. She doesn't turn around. I wonder how she would feel if she lost her purse.

I start envision the contents of my precious purse, the purse that never leaves my side. The purse that has everything I need; my keys, my Enhanced driver's license, my debit card, my checkbook, my pet perks rewards card, my sunglasses, my cell phone, my chap stick, my Epipen, my Tulalip Casino rewards card, my health insurance cards, pictures of my friends' babies and my husband, receipts I haven’t entered into the checkbook yet, my blockbuster card, a Tully's gift card, an office depot rewards card, a Hallmark rewards card, my Costco card, my Petco P.A.L.S. card, my HP ink cartridge card, a Stadium Flowers petal club card, my frequent goldfish card from the Waterfront fish market, my Staples business rewards card, my Men's Warehouse rewards card, the two four leaf clovers I found carefully pressed between my library card and seldom used Rite Aid rewards card, my vet's business card, the butterfly pencil a student gave me, and my text book. I then start to think, no wonder my neck hurts so much!

Suddenly I find myself lying on a park bench completely hysterical. How did I get here? What kind of scene having I been making in the past fifteen minutes? Where's my husband? He can help me...maybe I should call him. Then I remember....MY CELL PHONE IS IN MY PURSE! I start to hyperventilate! What am I going to do? How could I possible replace all my worldly possessions? My husband is going to be so mad. Well, he’ll laugh at me first and then lecture me about how I am always losing things, and then he will be mad.

Suddenly, a man approaches. He is walking up to me ever so cautiously, like I am some escaped patient from a mental asylum.

"Excuse me, Ma'am," He says. All I can think is that I hate being called ma'am! I'm not even thirty yet! Oh, maybe he has seen my purse. I turn to the man and stare at him.

"Ma'am?" He asks again. "Is this your purse?" I look at the man standing before me. I see it! A bright light encircles the beautiful purpleness of my purse!

"MY PURSE!" I exclaim. "Where did you find it?" Not that I really care, I am just overjoyed.

"It was over there by that tree. You're lucky I looked inside. I was just going to turn it in to the police, but something made me open it. You sure do have a lot of stuff," The man replies.

"YOU LOOKED THROUGH MY PURSE!! WHAT AN INVASION OF MY PRIVACY!" I scream at the innocent man. "I mean, thank you!" I tell the man. I guess I should be a little more polite to the man holding my most precious purse.

"Um...You’re welcome," the man says hesitantly slowly stepping backwards. He gives me a look of terror. Does he think I am going to attack him or something? I’m about half his size.

"I'm sorry sir, it's just...” I try to explain.

"No need for explanations, I know that I would be lost without my wallet. You might want to think about cleaning that thing out...It’s pretty heavy. Amazingly organized, though,"

"Thanks, I have a little bit of..." My voice trails off.

"OCD," the man states. He runs away and disappears into the crowd. How dare he label me? He has met me for all of one minute and all of a sudden he’s some psychologist. I hope he isn’t a psychologist.

Thank goodness that I never saw him again, he probably thought I was a complete nutcase! I bet he didn't even know that I was usually a totally together, happily married clean freak (not pack rat). He probably thought I was some crazy cat lady because of all my pet cards and vet business cards. I bet he didn't realize how family oriented I really was, or how much I like Scooby Doo. He also had no clue as to the impact that would be had from looking into a woman’s purse. He may as well have opened up a teenager’s diary and read it to the world. I do, however believe that he realized how much I like my purple purse.